Saturday, January 14, 2012

Arrrrrr Matey, I Met Me Dietary Spirit Beast

Ahoy Matey!

I've finally come out of the deep fried carb induced coma I got while at Long John Silvers yesterday. The whole meal: 1460 calories. Obscene. And that's WITH a diet beverage: Fried fish, fried shrimp, fried hushpuppies, fried potatoes, and fried Diet Pepsi. All fried. And of course my three year old had the good sense not to eat any of his food, so I ended up eating some of his.

While I was under, I found my spirit animal (a giant newt), breaded and fried on a bed of golden brown fried gluten chunks. He told me of the yin and yang of weight loss.

"The good and the bad are intertwined" he said to me, sucking on a Big Gulp Cola Slushy - "The depravity of unhealthy foods finds its kernel in the **BEEEEEEELCH** and the likewise depravity of pure health can be found in the matchbox Twinkie vendo-man...the one who lives in your peachcloak. **BEEELCH**"

And that's when I awoke, renewed and enlightened.

I'm not the type to question the wisedom of a talking, deep fried giant newt.

After most of two weeks doing quite well at my diet and my weight loss, I indulged in one of my horrible dietary vices...Long John Silvers. And it was great. And then I felt physically miserable for most of the rest of the day and during the evening. And isn't that exactly the sort of reminder folks like me need that shit like that is just plain awful for my body?

Aye, matey.

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